By Taylor Neal

Let’s get one thing straight, aftercare is part of sex. Not an addition, not a nice bonus or an afterthought. Aftercare is an integral part of any sexual experience, and this includes anal play. 

In this article we’ll break down all of the different ways we might care for ourselves (and our butts) after anal. 

Why Aftercare?

For many, the quality of aftercare received from our partner(s) can greatly impact our openness and/or desire to engage in future sexual experiences with that person(s), and this can include ourselves. 

If we’re left feeling sore, unsettled, exposed, vulnerable, shameful, ignored, or abandoned, after sexual experiences without tending carefully and attentively to our needs and the needs of our lovers, the sexual experience as a whole can feel tainted. We might end up feeling a lack of satisfaction or closure in our experiences, our bodies might feel unsettled, sore, or in need of support, we might notice our desire for sex with that person dwindle, or we might start linking sex in general with these unpleasant feelings. 

The importance of aftercare is in the recognition that sex is a vulnerable, silly, weird, emotional, explorative, wobbly, intense experience we get to move through with our bodies and our lovers. But, just as we debrief after other emotionally or physically intense experiences we have - we might need water and a stretch after a run, a call with a friend after a date, or a savassana after a yoga class - the way we tend to our bodies and hearts after sex can make all the difference for how we recover and how we feel leaving a sexual experience. 

How aftercare can look varies between each person and each sexual experience, as we all have different needs and methods of regulating post-sex. But when it comes to anal sex, on top of our intimate and emotional needs, we also have our butts to care for, and buttcare after anal can be the difference between weeks of very painful pooping and avoiding sex, and an easeful re-entry into the rest of our days (and the loo). 

While we might initially think that anal sex aftercare might not sound very sexy, it can actually be quite connective, intentional, and pleasurable. Whether done with a partner or solo, what to do after anal sex is about tending to emotional and physical needs. 

Here are some ways we might start exploring anal sex aftercare:

Immediate Aftercare

1. Regulate your breathing:

• Our breath often fluctuates during sex, especially intense sex, as our arousal can quicken the heart-rate and cause quicker, more shallow breaths. This is great in the heat of the moment, and it’s equally important to allow our bodies to come back down to a more neutral state after sex. Lying down on the bed, walking around, cuddling and synchronizing breathing, or any other activity that helps you slow the breath down is great for bringing the body, and the booty, back to a relaxed state. 

2. Use the Bathroom (if needed):

• You might feel the urge to go after anal, it’s normal. Don’t try to force yourself to hold it, this can be even harder on your body. Instead, allow yourself to go, take your time, and allow what comes without forcing anything.

3. Gentle Cleaning:

• Once you’re feeling more relaxed, gently clean the area with baby wipes, warm water and/or mild, unscented soap.

• Avoid harsh scrubbing or wipes with alcohol/fragrance, which can irritate your butt more.

4. Apply after anal cooling cream or the sore butt soothing balm:

• These products are specifically designed for after anal aftercare and will support your butt against any fissures, lasting pain, or inflammation. Apply to your own butthole or ask a partner to apply it for you. 

• While the after anal cooling cream is for exactly that, the sore butt soothing balm is useful at any time!

5. Rest and Install:

• Find a comfortable position, either solo or with your partner(s) and have a cuddle or get cozy. Ask for the touch or types of support you feel you’re needing, especially if you're feeling sore or tender.

• Allow the sexual experience to install, and by install I mean we give ourselves time to be in the aftermath of the experience, to reflect, check in, and stay with the sensations of intimacy, connection, pleasure, lust, discomfort, etc, that came up during sex. 

• If you’re feeling a bit tender after an experience, applying a warm compress can help relax the muscles and ease discomfort, and further support nervous system regulation.

Monitor for Discomfort or Injury

For people new to anal or perhaps for those, where its a sometimes thing, mild soreness is can be normal especially if you’re newer to anal play. You are popping your butt cherry after all!  Be gentle when wiping, or use a bidet or a water-wash, or reusable cloth wipes rather than toilet paper if things are feeling tender. The soothing balm can also be great as the tenderness lingers. If you are a beginner or would just like more information on how to prepare for anal sex, you can view this guide for some preventative measures.  

Watch for lasting or unusual body responses:

• • Persistent pain

  • Bleeding (a small amount is somewhat normal, but prolonged bleeding is not)

  • Swelling or signs of infection (pus, fever)

If any of these occur, consider seeing a healthcare provider.

Hydration and Diet

Just like after all types of sex, drink lots of water after sex to keep the body hydrated, and eat fiber-rich foods to keep bowel movements soft. This helps avoid irritation during your next visit to the toilet and prevents any further tearing or stretching.

Mental and Emotional Check-In

It's completely normal to feel a range of emotions after sex, which is why aftercare is so important. Sex is intense, emotional, and messy! Check in with yourself and your partner(s) after any sexual experience, ask authentic questions, and allow yourselves time and space to consider how the experience was for you and what needs you might have.

Share about anything that felt uncomfortable or anything you might like to do differently next time.

Preventive Measures for Next Time

Use plenty of lube (water or silicone-based; never oil-based with latex condoms) for all types of sex, but especially anal sex. The wetter the better, and this will help majorly with aftercare. 

Start slow, build arousal, and use lots of communication prior to penetration. Anal is a journey, not a destination!

Communicate about safer sex practices (PREP, condoms, HIV undetectable, STI screening etc) to allow for feelings of safety, awareness, and autonomy prior to sex. This can also prevent the experience of feeling the need for these conversations after sex if they didn’t happen before. 

Always bring your after anal cooling cream or your sore butt soothing balm to play time, it makes aftercare so much smoother!