In this episode of The Hole Conversation, psychologist and educator Dr. Chris Cheers (Melbourne) shares a humane, practical reset for mental health: move beyond solo “wellness hacks” and build relationships that actually sustain you.

Self-care started as activism

“Self-care” was coined by 1970s activists as a way to protect energy for community action—not as an end in itself. Chris reframes it as step one, followed by “us care”: tending to the relationships that give life meaning (friends, family, partners, chosen community). If wellbeing advice ignores systems and isolation, it’s incomplete. For more on this reframing, Chris expands these ideas in The New Rule Book with simple prompts you can use straight away.

Bodies before buzzwords

You can’t think your way out of stress—you have to complete the stress cycle with the body (movement, breath, shaking it out, play). As Chris says, motion is the lotion. Ditch perfectionism: choose movement for today, not aesthetics for summer. Swap “body positivity” pressure for body acceptance/neutrality—making space for mixed feelings while caring for the body you have.

Love is something you do

Forget “falling into a hole.” Love lasts when you practice it: belonging, safety, repair after conflict, honest communication, and supporting each other’s growth. Chris also normalises polyamory as one way to structure care—intentionally investing time across relationships (romantic and platonic) instead of putting one partner on a pedestal. Think Dunbar’s insight: most of us can hold ~15 truly close ties—who are yours, and how will you nurture them this week?

Empathy, ethics, and inclusive care

Empathy expands with lived experience and listening. Chris calls for psychology that’s sex-literate, queer-affirming, and welcoming of arts workers—groups that face unique pressures. Healing doesn’t happen in isolation; the relationship is the therapy.

Takeaways:

• Move your body to process stress.

• Use self-care to power us care.

• Practice the actions of love.

• Aim for body acceptance, not performance.

• Big life changes beat tiny “treats” when things are broken.

PS: Body care is mental care—after any kind of play, gentle butt aftercare supports comfort and confidence. Explore Happie Holl’s approachable aftercare range.

Listen to the episode here